This too shall pass
This last week Dave was so very sick again that it seemed we were back in the chemo treatments. He had high temperatures, headaches, cold chills, fever and just couldn't get out of bed. Started a week ago today. I was again his "dumb-waiter" (as he lovingly calls me sometimes when I am delivering food and water to his bedside!) bringing food up and dishes down.
It is hard to describe how you feel inside when the person who is such a part of you that it is difficult to separate yourself from them, is so sick but you can do nothing to make the pain go away. I know the desperate feelings now of people who are watching their partner get ready to pass on to the next life. I have had those feelings many times while Dave is suffering through his chemo side effects. The fatigue is really difficult for him. My daily rosary seems to get sucked up quickly with almost desperate prayer for his recovery...then the peace settles in and I realize Dave is in GOOD HANDS and God really is taking care of him. Whether he allows him to recover and stay with me for a long time.....(yep..that's the prayer!) or decides he has to go first to prepare the way.....I am okay with God's decision.
I think (Dr.Loner speaking now) that Dave just had a bad case of the flu and on top of him being so weak and run down, he was just super sick again. Called the doc a couple of times...got prescriptions to help and just toughed it out. Today...he is back feeling about a 5½ on a scale of 1 to 10. That is really great since he has been averaging about a 2 or 3 since chemo started. I am hoping we are over the hump of this latest problem...(I'm still betting on the flu bug) and he can really start to feel better soon. The doc said that this fatigue is ugly and sometimes takes one to two YEARS to go away as long as the cancer does not return. Whew, not sure he can handle two years of fatigue...but we will do what we have to do. He looks wonderful to me. (But then he always does!) His hair is coming in now and is fuzzy and soft! Looks dirty sometimes because there is black coming in with the snow white! I think he is beautiful. I got my first kiss in a couple of weeks today!!! It was wonderful! His cold sore was all across his bottom lip and he could hardly eat let alone kiss!! But I don't need kisses to feel our connection...I just close my eyes and think of him and I can smell his presence and feel his touch. God performed his best work when he created love between two people.
Sometimes it amazes me how many years we have shared...46 married and 4 dateing before that.....some 50 years. Then we actually went to first grade together so add in another 8 years....I have known him most all of my life. Where has the time gone to? It has gone too fast...that is for sure. We have shared our lives for a lifetime and now we are in the "winter" of our lives with many less years ahead of us than we have behind us. Unless you count ETERNITY! Then we have forever together. I'm so thankful. I wish I had the talent to write how I really feel...but I don't know how to put it into words. I am just grateful for each day, each minute we have together and am thankful that the pain from last week seems to be passing.
It is hard to describe how you feel inside when the person who is such a part of you that it is difficult to separate yourself from them, is so sick but you can do nothing to make the pain go away. I know the desperate feelings now of people who are watching their partner get ready to pass on to the next life. I have had those feelings many times while Dave is suffering through his chemo side effects. The fatigue is really difficult for him. My daily rosary seems to get sucked up quickly with almost desperate prayer for his recovery...then the peace settles in and I realize Dave is in GOOD HANDS and God really is taking care of him. Whether he allows him to recover and stay with me for a long time.....(yep..that's the prayer!) or decides he has to go first to prepare the way.....I am okay with God's decision.
I think (Dr.Loner speaking now) that Dave just had a bad case of the flu and on top of him being so weak and run down, he was just super sick again. Called the doc a couple of times...got prescriptions to help and just toughed it out. Today...he is back feeling about a 5½ on a scale of 1 to 10. That is really great since he has been averaging about a 2 or 3 since chemo started. I am hoping we are over the hump of this latest problem...(I'm still betting on the flu bug) and he can really start to feel better soon. The doc said that this fatigue is ugly and sometimes takes one to two YEARS to go away as long as the cancer does not return. Whew, not sure he can handle two years of fatigue...but we will do what we have to do. He looks wonderful to me. (But then he always does!) His hair is coming in now and is fuzzy and soft! Looks dirty sometimes because there is black coming in with the snow white! I think he is beautiful. I got my first kiss in a couple of weeks today!!! It was wonderful! His cold sore was all across his bottom lip and he could hardly eat let alone kiss!! But I don't need kisses to feel our connection...I just close my eyes and think of him and I can smell his presence and feel his touch. God performed his best work when he created love between two people.
Sometimes it amazes me how many years we have shared...46 married and 4 dateing before that.....some 50 years. Then we actually went to first grade together so add in another 8 years....I have known him most all of my life. Where has the time gone to? It has gone too fast...that is for sure. We have shared our lives for a lifetime and now we are in the "winter" of our lives with many less years ahead of us than we have behind us. Unless you count ETERNITY! Then we have forever together. I'm so thankful. I wish I had the talent to write how I really feel...but I don't know how to put it into words. I am just grateful for each day, each minute we have together and am thankful that the pain from last week seems to be passing.
posted by Thoughts From Serenity at
8:10 AM
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